Wine & Wine Service 1.02

Character Study

David

Today David arrives 45 minutes late wearing his customary two caps, denim baggy jeans, headphones on, listening to Sepultura. At ten in the morning (both David and Rianna consistently do this; a nice relaxing start to the morning. They'll then go about seeing who can experience the worse hearing loss in any given amount of time)

"Sorry I'm late, everyone.", David apologizes in a barely audible chuckle. "'n' I have to leave early this afternoon 'cause I have a court case."

I'm guessing he's probably not the plaintiff. With all his extra-curricular activities, I'm thinking that perhaps that the 'part-time' study option may have been a better option for David. I'm sure if he can avoid doing any hard time his parole officer will probably keep him on the straight and narrow long enough for him to pass. Eventually.

Lunch time sees David go off to the pub to down a few pints and comes back in a jolly mood with a new enthusiasm for study. He hasn't come back saying "Serioushly, I love youse" yet, but let's give him another week or so.

Later David explains to us the difference between a regular run of the mill bogan and an Elizabethan gang bogan. It seems, according to David, the latter roam in gangs and are more prone to violence. I'll take his word for it.

Bryan

On first impression Bryan can seem awkwardly benevolent, but this seems to be part of the trap. His dopey demeanor and paunched belly are the insect attracting red pigmentation of his Venus Flytrap ways. As I mentioned earlier, he doesn't believe smoking causes lung cancer. Having now spent a couple days with him I think he is also quite possibly a holocaust and AIDS denier (like the Foo Fighters).

I suspect Bryan went to a private school and is clinging to this faint scrap of refinement with both hands. Yesterday we were asked to bring some snacks that will complement the wines that we were to taste today. Seemingly unaware of his common ways, Bryan brought a plate of salmon and caper bite size pieces. It did make a nice change from the seven packets of doritos.

But by far Bryan's most annoying quality is his inability to go a full sentence without mentioning how he has a connection to whatever the subject may be. He knows this doctor; his parents rent out a house in this suburb; he knows this family ect... Just why he's doing a bar and wait course in his mid twenties, and failing, if he's so fucking connected is pretty unclear. Fairly unlikable.

Other people of note...........

Hannah

Despite Hannah's S-bend spine, rodent like mouth and general meerkat like appearance, in a certain light and in a certain angle she can be reasonably attractive. Her stick thin arms make opening a bottle of wine a fairly humorous experience. Is constantly leaning forward and exposing her g-string from the top of her low-cut jeans.

Anne

Too awkward to ask why she has a scar on her forehead and her arm in a sling, I had wondered what had happened. Someone not as repressed as myself asked her, she'd been in a car crash six months ago. Bryan offered to hook her up with the best plastic surgeon in town. I think there was some arrangement to get two cents off a litre of petrol if she presents her surgery docket.

Kate

Kate is either a closeted lesbian or just from the country. I haven't yet figured out which.

Rianna

Rianna is an enigma. Coming in at about four and a half foot, is probably the most employable of the entire group, myself included. Will turn up in bizarre outfits; today she was wearing a Meatloaf t-shirt. Will be deaf in 24 months as she listens to heavy metal unbearably loud.

For those with growing misanthropic tendencies like myself, her constant cheery demeanor can grate. For the well balanced, she's probably still only just bearable.

Arlo

Arlo is the teacher*. Arlo a couple days ago stated 'believe it or not, I've never actually paid for a tie!'. Having seen several of his ties, all of various novelty stylings, I believe him.

Jasmine

We haven't seen jasmine since our second day of 'study'. Ready to burst a couple days ago, we've assumed that she has given birth to her third child and has quite possibly conceived a fourth.

Uses terms like 'partner' or 'ex-partner' suspiciously in the same manner that a lesbian or gay man might if they were trying to keep their sexuality on the low-down. I guess it probably does sound a bit better than 'the father of my second and fourth children'.

Dianna

Dianna is a largish middle-aged woman, who i suspect is doing this course as it is (sometimes) vaguely more stimulating than Oprah. She goes out of her way to introduce herself and remember other's names, then (instantly) forgets them.

Earlier this morning Dianna was engaging in a very disturbing conversation with David involving innuendo and euphemism about how an older wine with a bolder fuller body was better than a young one. Most likely unaware of these concepts, I think the pair may have just let their subconscious run wild. Doing my best to forget this ever happened, but my mind wont wash clean.

*I use terms like teachers, study, exam, class and student loosely. 'Student' does seem marginally more appropriate than 'partial attendee' or 'guy that rocked up briefly between morning tea and lunch on Tuesday'.

Got Pink?

Perhaps the most pornographic flamingo ever constructed. If you want one, consult Cam or head to "Ned's" in Victor Harbor. Or perhaps soon McDonald's will be giving one away with every happy meal...

Wine & Wine Service 1.01

I walk in from the elevator past the reception to a class room like any, only there is a mock bar up against the whole left side of the room. "Where was this class in high school?", I think to myself. A middle aged woman is sitting at the middle of one of the tables.

"Hi, how are you? I'm Dianna."

She extends her hand for a handshake. Before i realise that my hand is still wet and soapy from washing my hands in the toilet, I've embraced her hand in mine in a horribly moist and lubricated handshake. Dianna screws up her face in disgust.

"This is wine and wine service, right?", I say trying to move on from the violation.

"Yeah. This your first week?", she says as a young unshaven man and girl a foot short of any normal height, yet a good foot short of dwarfism come in. "This is David and Rianna."

Rianna is wearing a denim mini-skirt, 'fuck-me' boots and a purple thermal shirt; an interesting mix. I smile politely and say hi.
David is wearing two caps, baggy jeans and hoodie. He extends his hand to me - straight away i know this is going to be trouble. Foolishly i try to shake his hand in the conventional way. David having none of this, molests my hand in a fashion that he and his fellow hilltop hoods fan club members do to each other around tea and biscuits.
Two horrible handshakes in two minutes. I'm pretty consistently an awkward handshaker, but i think this could be a record even for me.
A few others lurk in through the door and sit down. They put their faces down on the desk and do their best to get back to sleep. 25 minutes after the scheduled start a guy in a white shirt and Simpsons' 'Duff' tie walks in.

"Hi, My name is Arlo. Welcome to wine and wine service. Over the week we'll be learning all about wine and the correct way to serve it. We'll learn about all the different sorts of wines; varietal wines, general wines; fortified wines, aperitif wines, dessert wines................."

"Hey, what sort of wine is passion-pop? i got fully smashed on that on the weekend. They kicked me out of where ever it was i was at - I don't remember where."

"We'll be learning the different characteristics of the wines; the palate, the aroma, visual characteristics. We will learn wine terminology and how to intelligently discuss and describe a wine's distinctive tastes. Come Wednesday we will even get to have a bit of a wine tasting........."

"Last time i did this course i was pregnant and i didn't get to try the wines - well, I wasn't meant to", giggles Jasmine, a 20 year old ready to burst again. "And I'm pregnant again, she'll be my third, so I guess I can only have a couple of glasses again. I know she's going to be a 'she', because i read it in my horoscope."

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During morning tea talk turns to piercings.

"Hey Jasmine, when does the stud in my lip stop hurting?", asks Hannah - imagine an Uma Thurman having spent six months on crystal meth.

"I don't really know. I have a pretty high pain threshold. I didn't feel anything with any of my piercings. When I got my tattoos done i had to ask when the body artist had finished", she doesn't mention child birth, but i have a sneaking suspicion that she gets an epidural and whatever other medication she can get. "But I had to take most of my piercings out 'cause my daughter keeps playing with them."

"Most", I wonder. Perhaps she had a nipple chain. Probably got in the way when lining the kids up for their breast feedings.

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Arlo comes up to me and another chap, Bryan. Bryan doesn't believe smoking causes cancer, but he does believe that if you roll your own it will make a mess of your fingers. He learnt this the hard way- a yellow-brown growth on his index and middle fingers on his right hand. Rolling your own smokes appears to be a sign of your dedication to smoking, the (un-)cancerous growths on your body a badge of your dedication; not like those two pack a day pre-packed smokes posers.

"This is the first week for you two, right? Let me show you around."

Arlo takes us through a few rooms with nothing more than desks and chairs and then the 'student room', which has a vending machine and yesterday's paper. Then Arlo takes us to the 'tourism section'. The room is a hive of activity compared to the rest of the place.

"...and here we have the tourism section..."

"What is this, a sweatshop?" says Bryan, referring to how a large section of the class is Asian.

"Huh, sweatshop?", Arlo pretends he doesn't understand this racial slur. i cringe and try to move on as soon as i can.

Afternoon tea and conversation turns to different restaurants we've all been to.

"Oh yeah, I've been there", says Bryan. "Doesn't it have that fucking fag working there with the blond hair? It's shit."

Evidently Bryan hates the queers as well as the Asians.
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End Day 1
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