Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Great Online Dating Experiment, Part 1: A Regular Dating Site and a Stupid Profile

Here's the deal. We have a new potential blogsmith. After a recent domination of the raw comedy scene in Adelaide, I present to you, Plevs. He isn't an official UpShake member yet, the comments will decide the issue. So, avid readers, is he a Ricky Gervais or a Chris Farley?
~LeBlogMac

Internet dating – a lot of people are against it, I don’t know why. Perhaps they think you start batting off to Microsoft Excel and then move on to looking for women. At least you don’t need to wear a condom when Internet dating. You just use anti-virus software. I’ve been meeting ladies from the Internet, on and off, for about two years now – with varying levels of success.

When your only competition is an obnoxious paperclip, online dating should be easy.




Saturday 17 December 2006: PASH!

Problem: this is part of the conversation.

Me: I like cheese.

Her: Wogs like cheese.

After a bit more pashing later on, I went home, took a few bites out of my Camembert (I am 1/4 Italian), had a wet dream about some Mozzarella, and have never seen her since.

Thursday 15 February 2007: PASH!

Problem: she’s not really my type. Besides, I think she was just upset that she didn't get any roses the day before (Valentine's Day).

Two pashes out of meeting twenty girls. That’s a 10% success rate. Some online girls are lovely and I still keep in contact with them. Some are doofuses and are best left to other men.

Not everyone is unsuccessful with dating and computers.

Why am I having so little success on these dating sites? Are they been frightened away by men who show them pictures of their penises before bothering to say hello? Well, I’ve decided to find out how stupid these men are. I’ve made a profile, ilovedicktators, on the free Internet dating site (which also does not seem to vet profiles before they are posted – although they do vet photos) www.singleswhoclick.com.au . Incidentally, I did meet one girl from this site, she was okay, although again, not really my type. Friendly, at least.

With the opening line of “Power corrupts. And makes me horny. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. And makes me absolutely horny”, I’m wondering how many men I can attract.

Will people be so stupid as to write to this? For added effect, I’ve also decided to post a photo of Eva Braun, which unfortunately hasn’t been approved on the site yet.

I’ll keep you posted with who writes to me.

~Plevs

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

antivirus software: -1
ilovedicktators: +1

More Steven Merchant than Ricky Gervais. But keep going, Plevs.

Henry MH said...

plevs you bring dirty men posing as horny girls to a whole new level.
keep working on that cheese belly and you'll be the next chris farley.

sam said...

I liked how you described your political stance as "ultra right wing", that is just plain funny.

Post any response you get to this ad, especially if it's a dude's penis - I want to see the kind of penises that reply to this nonsense.

niczilla said...

awesome plevs, you've got my upshake vote.

Matt Dating said...

If your looking for a genuine dating site that has genuine singles on their data base try emailing their admin and test their customer service and get a feel for how professional the site is.