A story no parent can afford to m155 #2

According to the report, this is how criminals, kids communicate covertly. "The language is morphing into a dangerous dialect, foreign to parents". It features eye-witness accounts from kids in the loop, like this teen: "I could see why parents would be worried just because... it could... it can lead to... ... danger".

Credible source to UpShake.com says that Al-Qaeda uses leet speak to communicate. Here is a recently intercepted instant message transcript between a Mr B. 1ad3n and a Mr dr0ps_da_b0mb (leet speak has been put in bold so you can find it):
B. 1ad3n: "Hi, you int3r3sted in some ill3gal activities?"
dr0ps_da_b0mb: "Yeah, that would totally be k3wl, I have m4d sk1llz in that area"
B. 1ad3n: "Awesome. I'm now NIFOC"
dr0ps_da_b0mb: "Oh wait a sec, P911"

I hope to post a story like this once every 6 months, with the current supply that won't be a problem. Here is #1.

Climate change: The "non-problem"

Last week, while awaiting a delayed flight at the Sydney Airport, I decided to pick up a copy The Australian - something I had not done for a long time. I've always had an interesting relationship with this broadsheet. On the whole, I consider it to be a fairly respectable newspaper; the reporting is informative and objective, and most of the writers have this uncanny knack for being exceedingly critical about everything and anything on earth, no matter what the issue. And I like that. For instance, on the subject of environmentalism, only The Australian could manage to be critical of Howard, Kyoto, Labor, the Unions, America, and 76 other developing countries, all in one nicely constructed paragraph. Ah, what cynical talent.

But being a Murdoch newspaper, there's always some neo-conservative jargon located in there somewhere just to screw everything up. In this particular edition of The Australian, former Nationals Senator, and fervent anti-multicultralist, John Stone took the baton for the right wing opinion team - and wrote one of the most bizarre, shocking, and intellectually offensive articles I've ever seen published. It was titled "Bigger Storm is Brewing", and you can read it here if you ever feel the need to waste 3 minutes of your life. Personally, I'd consider watching 3 minutes of 'Mr.Bankrupt' ads over and over again as a far more intellectually rewarding exercise; but each to his own.

Anyway, the argument Mr. Stone put forth in this article can be conveniently summarised like this: basically, he was confused as to why there had been so much media attention recently devoted to the climate change issue, when, at the same time, we had Taj Din al-Hilali's making his infamous Islamic "meat for cats" speech (if you would like to read about that particular speech, you should access it here. However, be warned: my 'Mr.Bankrupt' argument applies equally to the crazy rants of al-Hilali as it does to Mr.Stone). Anyway, to use Mr.Stone's own words, he just couldn't understand how concerns over this "so-called pollution of our atmosphere by a gas, carbon dioxide, that's an essential building block for all plant life" could possibly outweigh the newsworthiness of a silly speech made by a religious figure who obviously holds sexist and antiquated views.

Perhaps, Mr. Stone, I can answer this for you. Perhaps the media saw fit to report slightly more on the climate change issue because..... oh, I don't know...... it concerns the fate of our entire planet. This in contrast to the (admittedly insane) views expressed by Taj Din al-Hilali, which, I need not remind you, do not represent the views of most Australian Muslims, and, as far as I can tell, do not pose even a mild threat to the existence of the entire human race or its chosen planet of habitation.

What's more, maybe the notion of religious figures making crazy statements isn't that uncommon an occurrence anyway. We must remember that most religions are thousands of years old. While society has progressed leaps and bounds in those thousands of years.... sometimes religious figures forget that a little bit. Think Peter Hollingsworth. Or, more recently, The Pope. Hell, even the Family First Party slipped up last election and demanded that all lesbians be "burned at the stake".

But, I'm afraid, Mr. Stone just won't agree. Consider these pearls of wisdom from the same article:

In short, we remain officially complacent about the most serious threat to our future, namely the fundamental incompatibility of Islam with Western society, while adopting anti-economic growth policies to address a problem [climate change] that exists chiefly in the fevered minds of its UN and Green proponents.

Yes, he is serious. And no, I've got no idea how he ever got to represent our community in federal politics either. He's was a bloody Nationals senator as well, which means that, right now, most of his former rural constituency is probably half-dying from a drought brought on, at least in part, by climate change. And what's even more perplexing is that, coming from such a rural background, his former constituency probably doesn't even have a Muslim population at all.

Ah I don't know. Yes, there may be a 'Muslim issue' in some parts of Australia. But to compare it to climate change? You gotta be kidding me. This John Stone guy needs to be wrapped up in a straight jacket, and dropped onto a melting icecap in Antarctica, so that he can slowly watch himself descend into freezing water, which, if something isn't done soon, will be the fate of most of the earth's landmass.

So anyway, in conclusion, after being away from this country for a good eight months, that was my first taste of good ol' Australian values. Yep, sure is good to be home.

The Real Victims

I had a sad moment today when I came across one of the real victims of the drought. That's right, these people struggle through hardships at the best of times, let alone in one of the worst dry-spells on record. With temperatures rising in Adelaide at the moment, there is one group of people who will suffer more than others. They are forced to wear a certain garb due to their religion, so whether or not you agree with their beliefs, you need to respect them and feel sorry for them. You guessed it, it's the emo clan.

Today I drove past a couple of these rare species of quasi-human and they were struggling. The sun was beating down on them as they stood waiting for a bus which would perhaps never arrive. All they wanted to do was go to the Marion shopping centre and buy the newest My Chemical Romance album, as well as some new knives with which to give themselves deft fashion-cuts on their arms. This quest was made all the more difficult by the fact that they had to wear all black from head to toe, with choker chains around their necks. Their hair had to be cut in the 'reverse mullet' style of course, which wasn't so much of a problem until the sweat mixed with hair wax causing it to stick permanently to the wearer's eye.

If you see a member of this sad group of individuals this summer, please give generously.

Syphilis. It's catchy!

That's an excerpt from The University of Adelaide's "On Dit" July 24, 1969.

"the French calling it the "Neopolitan" disease, or the "Italian" disease, and the Italians, and later the English, the "French" disease. The most picturesque name on record was in the little province of Fiume, where it was called "Margaritizza", after the most popular prostitute."

Ahh the 60s, when the best things in life weren't just free but in their highest supply and with the most bonuses. "It spread like wildfire across Europe"...like a very sexy wildfire. I'm not going to be able to eat a Margherita pizza now without having the images below in my head.