Michael Jackson - Guilty After All?

Michael Jackson, everyone's favourite pop idol, was famously acquitted of child molestation charges back in 2005. There just wasn't enough evidence to convict the pop singer, and I think most of us breathed a collective sigh of relief at the verdict - our childhood hero wasn't a monster after all. But I recently stumbled upon some new evidence that I think prosecutors in the trial may have missed, and which might actually shed new light on Jackson's more questionable behaviour with minors.

This particular piece of evidence goes way back to the early 1990s, when Jackson was still considered a musical prodigy, as opposed to an embarrassment of all humankind, and i should warn all upshake.com readers before continuing: it can be quite shocking viewing. So please proceed at your own discretion.

The evidence in question is an old videogame titled "Moonwalker", which was released both in the arcade, and later, on various Sega console systems. The plot, as far as I can divulge, is as simple as it is malevolent. You play as none other than Michael Jackson, and your aim is to kidnap crying children for use in your own diabolical ends. Allow me to demonstrate.

This is level 1 of the game. Here we have a crying child, and Jackson approaching in what appears to be an offer of friendship.

However, his friendly facade soon fades away, and Jackson's true intentions are momentarily revealed.

All this commotion startles the child, and she is awoken from her tantrum. But, upon realising the man next to her is Michael Jackson, she becomes completely overjoyed (remember, this is the early 90s, before children have become petrified of Jackson's white-man features and eerily confronting nostrils). The game's audio presents the girl's voice as crooning, "oh Michael...".

The girl then follows Jackson's instructions, and hops onto a blue, magical spaceship of some kind (which, depending on your point of view, resembles either a 1920's car horn, a tadpole, or, well, have a closer look). She is then whisked off to alleged "safety", and Jackson continues his hunt for more children.

But is this child really safe? Are the hundreds of other identical children in the game, known as "Katies", actually taken away to a place where they are free from harm? Unfortunately, we are never informed. But, perhaps tellingly, each level ends with Michael Jackson's own game audio declaring "I'm Bad!", and then we are presented with the following stark image:

Is this a face of innocence? I'll let you be the judge.

Exactly what is wrong with the world.

ok this is ridiculous. I know that the internet is all about community based sites now, what with the giant amounts of popularity that youtube and myspace have. I have only recently become aware of digg lately and that is a good way of finding out what is happening around the world, it's also a pretty good way to find anything that has ever been said about the Nintendo Wii or Stephen Colbert. So I can see the use of all these community based sites. But when things like catster are created it just doesn't make sense to me. Sure I don't like cats very much, or any pet for that matter, but still I think that a community site that has over 100,000 cats as members is a ridiculous thing, some people just need to go outside.

By the way this in text linking thing is great fun.

Missionary Impossible?

There's been a few reports of Tom Cruise lately and his 'other' business in spreading the word of Scientology. Apparently scientology leader David Miscavige believes that in the future, Cruise will be worshipped like Jesus for his work to raise awareness of the religion.

“Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

Now I don't want to jump the gun here. I mean, if I get this wrong, it could look quite embarrassing for me in a few hundred years if Thomas Cruise Mapother IV realises this supposed destiny. I think there is only one point required here for me to come to a decision. Had Jesus Christ been the star of War Of The Worlds, would the result have been such a boring, clichéd action flick?

So anyway, if he is the messiah, I owe Niczilla a coke.

"One fo shiz way to annoy Y&Zs - bust a cap in the language they see as sick-core."

McCrindle Research has just completed research into the slang of Generation Y & Z.

"If you manage Gen Ys or market to them, and you don't know your bananas from your bling; munters from scrubs, then maybe you should just call the wambulance."

Does anyone reading this know their munters from their scrubs? I don't... better call the wambulance.

Go to their website and download 'Word Up', their guide to communications with those crazy Z and Y generations.

Some just sound like the 'jiggas' they 'waz' talking to were just 'buggin' to get a laugh with their 'Gs':

sherbet
adj. A descriptor of something excellent or pleasing. I mean why say "that's good" when you can demonstrate how cool you are by saying "that's sherbet".

phatty
adv. (pronounced "fatty") Incredibly good. Usually in admiration of a feat or trick. "That 360 was phatty!"

It also provides good advice on how to and how not to use the new vocabulary:

sick
adj. Used to describe an extremely good trick in an extreme sport "That was a sick ollie braw!" (could also say "that was some ill ollie" but don't say it was an "unwell ollie")

the lick
adj. The best. "Man those shoes are the lick!." See 'the bomb'.


I can't wait until advertisers are using this information for their evil purposes. "New from McDonalds, the phatty burger. It's totally sherbet, G."

Introducing Sam!

Hey there.
So I have been a contributor to this fine blog for a while and have so far contributed nothing but harsh comments to the other people (except for Cam, that guy's great!). Anyway I have been wondering what I should unleash upon the readers as my first post. Like many other things in life I wanted my first time to be special, to choose the right moment and to not rush it. But like many other things in life it will probably end up a huge disappointment, for me and all other parties involved. Without further ado I present the best ad ever!

The Coolest Guy Nominee 4: 'Barnzey'

A guy posted to this picture to the 'Shoutbox' on the front of a BitTorrent site I use to share legal podcasts and the like (You have to read it backwards).

Essentially he is nominated for The Coolest Guy for this reason: he got something in the post and thought to himself, "OMG LCD just arrived, better go tell all my best friends... on my local torrent site."

15th Jan, 12:10pm	Barnzey: bought 360 at launch
15th Jan, 12:01pm	Barnzey: $650
15th Jan, 11:49am	191200: how much did that set you back?
15th Jan, 11:46am	XBoNeSX: ah for ya xbox 360 ?
15th Jan, 11:45am	Barnzey: $1600
15th Jan, 11:42am	XBoNeSX: wot that set ya back ?
15th Jan, 11:30am	Barnzey: 32"
15th Jan, 11:30am	Barnzey: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v72/Barnzey /IMG_0224.jpg
15th Jan, 11:26am	XBoNeSX: wot size ?
15th Jan, 11:23am	Barnzey: new lcd has arrived!

Little did he realise that the image he uploaded would give him a bigger chance to win the award (not just because they are in the photo, but because he didn't think to take them away before uploading it):

• Truck wallpaper...?
• Empty bottles of soft drink on the floor
• Shoes thrown in the corner next to a dodgy fan
• 100% of the available nextgen consoles

The plot thickened later when this was posted-

Insert New News Here (By Beaker666)
If you're Female and Single or Know A Single Female, Please contact Barnzey, He's Lonely and looking for a Friend.

Its only Human Nature to help others :)

How could one of the Coolest Guy nominees be struggling with the ladies. I'm shocked.

'The Coolest Guy' is a quest to trawl the web for the coolest people in the world. Many people would think Hollywood is a good location to start looking, or our sports stars, which is fair enough. Here at UpShake.com , we believe that it is the unsung heroes who deserve recognition. People who believe they are cool, announce it to the world, but don't get the recognition they expect. Get nominees ONE and TWO.

Getting away from it all

I recently went on a holiday down Yorke Peninsula way with some other recent Engineering graduates. A good time was had by all, OK a good time was had by most. Unfortunately some members of the party didn't enjoy some of us delivering a brilliant serenade of 'Free David Hicks' to their window at 3am. It wasn't our fault that they took away my iPod after the 10th play in a row. I'm just very passionate about this issue- not the freeing of Hicks, but the promotion of the catchy tune that Peter Combe has delivered. The people in question still weren't committing themselves to the rhythm, and we vowed to continue until this happened. I'll let you know when it does. In the meantime I suggest that the best part for serenading (provides less words to be remembered) is to go: bridge, final verse, chorus, bridge,final verse, chorus, repeat, repeat, repeat. Then change windows to another person and repeat the process.

When packing to leave my house for the rendezvous point, a friend of mine and I quickly debated whether or not to take his laptop. We eventually decided to chuck it in the boot along with other more traditional holiday items (e.g. frisbee, cricket bat, duct tape). Upon arriving at the location with others still finishing up their own packing we realised that we were very under-prepared. Already packed in their cars for this 1 week trip were the following: Desktop PC, external hard drive, 68cm TV, AV receiver, Two 1m floor-standing speakers, another laptop, and I'm sure I've forgotten something. Oh yes, then one of our party 'almost forgot' to take along a WiFi antenna so that he could try and find an unencrypted wireless access point to 'borrow' some bandwidth while we were 'getting away from it all'.

My question is this. With all the hubbub in the press over the new Apple iPhone, some asked the question, "Will people use all the features?". The answer that I think my recent trip shows is that that will have no bearing on the sales of the device. The new generation always want more gadgets, so whether or not they use them is irrelevant. The more the better. Once a device can incorporate all the things we took on our trip away I'm sure we'll want more anyway. And this demand is only going to continue. Younger kids are going to grow up having never lived in a house without DSL.

I say this is awesome. On our trip I didn't get the chance to talk to anyone because I was busy watching Clone High and The Office. With only so many hours in a day, who wants to spend them walking on the beach when you can be laughing together in air conditioned comfort?

Free David Hicks for The Hottest 100

I have just voted in this year's Triple J Hottest 100. I suggest you do the same.

If you vote correctly and successfully you will receive this email:

"The songs you indicated you would like to vote for in this year's Hottest 100 are:
Peter Combe - Free David Hicks "

Haven't heard the song? Go here.

Why would you vote for any other song? If we get enough votes it'll at least make it to the novelty section they normally have at some stage in the count.